Just That Kindof Day

I am totally going to regret starting a blog at 1am in about a few hours. See, I LOVE to sleep in , but now that I have children that doesn't really happen very often these days. I just don't want to go to sleep right now, because it is quiet and I am trying to be introspective and figure out what is going on with me.
Today was one of those days where you take inventory of your life. I had a significant blow to my ego today. It made me check my stock value. I am 35 years old this year, a wife, a mother, as sister. I have worked for the same corporation for 10 years. I have a mortgage and 2 owned cars. It all sounds pretty good, but I don't feel all that great today and lately I have just felt kind of lost.
I have always had a goal, something to work towards. Now, I just don't know what my goals are really supposed to be. I am not talking about my goals as a wife and mother... I mean for me as an individual.
There are things that I don't like about my life that I would like to change, but things just seem a lot harder to change since I am grown. Like, I live in the city, but I long to have a house in the Country with a garden and room for my kids to roam. Can I really just pack up my kids and move? No. I mean, I guess I could... but, it isn't pratical. It's almost like a piece of my heart is not beating. I feel somewhat like a caged bird.
I know that sounds dramatic, but that's me, I guess. So, this is what is going to happen. I am going to indulge in this blog thing... I think blogs are generally self centered and weird, but I need an outlet at this particular moment in my life. I am not going to put rules or boundaries on this. I am going to say what I want to say in an effort to be as real as I can, because I am SO sick of feeling like I am trying to figure myself out and maybe in the end I can actually combine some of these posts to figure it out. Maybe someone will read this and maybe they won't. Who knows. I don't really care. Either there are other women that feel like this in their life or I am completely alone and will make for an interesting case study for a psychologist somewhere.
Here is something about me that not a lot of people know. I love Lil' Wayne. Yes. He's a thug and has a potty mouth. No, I wouldn't let my kids listen to his music, but I think he is sexy. Just don't tell the PTA.